Forensic Sciences

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Forensic Witticisms

By: , Posted on: September 29, 2014

Forensics Grumpy CatForensic science is the scientific method of gathering and examining information about the past. This is especially important in law enforcement where forensics is done in relation to criminal or civil law, but forensics are also carried out in other fields (1). Unlike in the movies, a day in the life of a real forensic scientist is anything but predictable and is often very stressful. I hope these witticisms add a bit of smile to your day. These are by no means meant to be an insult to any of our communities!



Q: How many forensic scientists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two – one to screw it in and one to check for fingerprints.


Q: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?



Q: What’s the difference between a mathematician and a forensic scientist?

A: A mathematician thinks that two points are enough to define a straight line while a forensic scientist wants more data.


“I have good news and bad news,” the defense attorney told his client. “First the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene.” “Oh, no!” cried the client. “What’s the good news?”  “Your cholesterol is only 140.”


Once a reporter asked a famous forensic scientist,”How do you feel when somebody dies?”

“It’s time to work!” replied the scientist with a smile.


“What happens if somebody swallows potassium cyanide?” asked a student.

“Nothing worth happening remains,” said the teacher.


Many people ask me why I chose Forensic Medicine as a career, and I tell them that it is because a forensic man gets the honor of being called when the top doctors have failed!


Q: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”

A: “No.”

Q: “Did you check for blood pressure?”

A: “No.”

Q: “Did you check for breathing?”

A: “No.”

Q: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”

A: “No.”

0: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”

A: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”

Q: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”

A: “It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”


Q: “Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?”

A: “All my autopsies are performed on dead people.”


Q: “Do you recall the time that you examined the body?”

A: “The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.”

Q: “And Mr. Smith was dead at the time?”

A: “No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.”

Forensics Joke


(1)    “Forensics”.

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Forensic Sciences

Forensic science is a key component of criminal investigation and civil law worldwide. This broad-based field ranges over topics as varied as DNA typing, osteology, neuropathology, psychology, crime scene photography, ballistics, criminal profiling, and more. Elsevier provides forensics publications that cover all these topics, written by top authorities, to students, professors, researchers, and professionals.